In 1954, the artist Norman Rockwell painted one of his most famous masterpieces: A picture of a father and son waiting for a train as the son prepares to head off to college. Called “Breaking Home Ties,” the picture depicts a scene most fathers are familiar with — the day their child finally leaves home to make their own way in the world.
To me, it’s an extremely moving work of art. (If you’ve never seen it before, you can view it here:www.saturdayeveningpost.com/sep-keyword/breaking-home-ties.) In the painting, the boy sits upright and bright-eyed, a look of eager anticipation on his face as he watches for the train. His clothes are pressed, his shoes are shined, his bags are packed. He is ready to go. Ready to become an adult.
By contrast, the father sits hunched over. His clothes are crumpled, his hands calloused, his forehead creased. He faces the opposite direction — down the track, I imagine, towards the horizon over which his boy will soon disappear. In his hands, he clutches both his own hat and his son’s. While his eyes are partially turned away from the viewer, it’s impossible to miss the reluctance on his face.
The reluctance to let go.
I’ve been thinking about Rockwell’s painting as we approach Father’s Day. As you know, the day is for celebrating dads and all they do for us. High on that list, I think, are all the “pushes” they give us throughout our lives. The push on our first bicycle after the training wheels come off. The push through the doors on our first day of kindergarten. The push to go up to bat, to say our line in the school play, to try out for the team. The push to get our first job. And yes, the push to finally leave home and become who we were always meant to be.
We often focus on those fatherly pushes and how important they are at propelling us forward. But I think it’s important we remember something else about fatherhood: To successfully push first requires you tolet go.
And letting go takes courage.
It takes courage to let go of your child as they learn to ride a bike, knowing they could fall and hurt themselves. It takes courage to push your child through the schoolhouse doors, entrusting them into someone else’s care. It takes courage to push themoutthe door and into the wide world…knowing that now it’s up to them. Hoping that every lesson you tried to teach and example you tried to set actually stuck, sunk in, and made an impression. Hoping they’ll be safe, hoping they’ll be successful. Hoping that they’ll be happy.
Yes, letting go takes courage. And that, to me, is what we’re celebrating on Father’s Day. That the dads in our life cared enough to push…and were courageous enough to let go.
Rockwell himself had three sons. According to his grandson, Rockwell paintedBreaking Home Tiesbecause he was feeling sad about his two youngest sons leaving for college and his oldest enlisting in the military. The painting illustrates what Rockwell himself must have felt.
What the paintingdoesn’tshow, however, is what came after. In real life, the oldest son served honorably in the Air Force. His middle son became a celebrated author of children’s books, including the famous classic, “How to Eat Fried Worms.” His youngest son grew up to be a well-known sculptor.
That’s why I wish Rockwell had painted a sequel toBreaking Home Ties. A picture of the son coming back from college. Maybe with a degree, maybe with a job, maybe with a family of his own. Because that, in the end, is what good fathers hope for when they let go. That one day, their child will come back, bright, beaming, and better than ever…with the words, “Dad, look what I’ve become!” poised on their lips.
Fathers do so much for us. They provide for us. Guide us. Spend time with us. Push us. And, when the time is right, they let us go.
So, this Father’s Day, as we celebrate our fathers, grandfathers, and father-figures, let’s remember the love it takes to push…and the courage it takes to let go.
On behalf of Tina, Kara and myself, I want to say thank you to all the great dads out there. And to you, I wish a very happy Father’s Day!